Starting 2009 Off With a Bang.

Even though I am NOT a fan of New Year's Resolutions, I have suddenly found myself stepping up and diving right in to some.

I've decided 2009 is the year that I stop being scared. Period. Scared of what? Whatever. Even the slightest, smallest phobias are getting sucker punched this year.

It started yesterday.....

Jim and I attended a Concealed Carry Handgun class, instructed by a 27 year lieutenant with the Wichita Police Department. I caught some guff, being what he called a "member of the media" attending a Concealed Carry class, but he was a wonderful instructor, and I was grateful to have had him.

Just sitting in the same room with guns was a HUGE step for me. Guns of any kind terrify me, especially handguns. I grew up in Western Kansas where terrible hunting accidents and guns-in-the-closet curiosities caused the messy deaths of fellow students and a few friends. I was ready to stop being "that girl" - That prissy girl that lives in a happy little bubble of peace, love and non-confrontation. I was ready to be the kind of girl that can look anyone square in the eye. The kind of girl that can stand up for herself without getting mad and crying. The kind of girl that isn't constantly scared of the unknown.

So we spent most of the day getting a cold, hard education in a classroom setting and "dry firing" at targets. Then 4:30 came, and we all drove over to a firing range, where we had to fire 5 rounds into an FBI regulation target, one handed, at a 3 foot distance, to qualify for the okay to apply for a Concealed Carry License. (this sounds easy, but my little hand barely had the strength to pull the trigger all by itself - its tougher than it sounds.) Then we had to fire 20 more rounds two handed from 5 and 7 feet. (that's my target at the top of the blog. Not too shabby, if I do say so myself! except for the 2 strays.)

This was the very first time EVER that I had held a loaded gun, let alone fire it. I was petrified. I chose to use a revolver, as the glocks were just too hard for me to handle and get the job done.
The firing range was full of a few other classes, so it was loud with gunfire, even with my big red ear protection muffs on, and I was jumpy and shaking like a leaf. Shaking like a leaf is not good when you have to load a revolver in front of your instructor and then fire it one handed. (if you're conjuring images of Don Knotts, so was I at the time!)

Long story short - by the end of the day, I had overcome my gun fear, and after the shaking stopped, I felt like a million bucks.
Will I apply for the license to carry a handgun? Not sure yet. If push comes to shove and I was in fear for my life, could I fire a gun at another human being? If I had one in my nightstand and someone entered my home with the intent to do me harm, you're damn right I would.
Will I purchase a gun and spend time at the firing range with my husband? You bet. (I wonder if I can get one in pink to match my cell phone and my digital camera.) The confidence I had in myself when we left was refreshing. And I stood a little straighter for facing one of my demons, head on.

So whats next? Well, this morning I tackled the fear of making crock pot beans and ham - my very first pot got started and its cooking as I write this blog. I am CONFIDENT that it will be edible this evening.