Obsessive-Compulsive Meets Patience.

Anyone who knows me, knows I'm a bit of a clean freak - especially at home. Chalk it up to a mother who was a complete nazi when it came to being tidy.

I am, as I sit here and type this blog, ready to freak the hell out. My home is filthy with chunks of ceiling everywhere, its noisy, and my chihuahua is a ball of nerves.

Today there are roofers on my roof.

I was not expecting roofers on my roof today.

I discovered them in the shower this morning. I could hear them up there, but they're awful fast, and as the skylight directly above me was being ripped out of the ceiling, there were at least three guys speaking spanish and laughing very loudly. Awkward, to say the least.

So back to the chunks of ceiling. Its everywhere, and there's not much I can do about it till they quit for the day. This is a HUGE problem for me. HUGE. It's all I can do to sit here and wait. I want to vaccuum so bad I can't stand it.

Bewteen the mess, the noise, and the dog barking so hard all four feet come off the floor......I suddenly feel entitled to a drink.

Christmas Dinner and the Houdini Dog.

Riley the Super Chihuahua has a new name.
"Houdini Dog".....

Let me back up a little.

The other day, Rebekah and I, at Jim's request, purchased a little hoodie for the dog. He's 6 lbs of skin and bone, and he ssshhhivvvvers like he's going to freeze to death, whether its 20 degrees or 100 outside.
He let us put it on him without a fight, and then sat there in disgust as we laughed at him.
Needless to say, he hates it, and when no one is looking, he manages to get out of it, leaving it right side out, and sometimes it even looks like he folded the damn thing for me! Talk about giving me the finger!

So on to Christmas dinner! It turned out very well, considering the outdated tiny-ness of my kitchen! it got a little crazy but in the end, it was worth the struggle!
I even got to use the buffet that came with our dining room table. Very exciting.

Ah, that roast was the BOMB!

Considering this is what I've got to work with in the way of kitchen appliances,
I think I really pulled off a feast! The only redeeming quality about this range
is the double oven action going on here. The rest of it? Blegch!

Someday, I'll have that chef's kitchen
I've always dreamed of.
Till then, well, back to the crock pot!

Mama Cashes In.

FIRST ORDER OF BLOGGER BUSINESS: I got my diamond earrings for Christmas!! Right On!!
I'm kind of a "kept woman" these days.

My sweet baby girl got me a wicked awesome pair of Snoopy VS The Red Baron pajama bottoms and some fuzzy blue slippers to match - ADORABLE.

She and Jimbo decided to get me a super shnazzy french beret - they were in agreement that the one I've been wearing makes me look "like a little old lady"......whatever. This new one IS pretty cool, though. I'm looking forward to wearing in public for the sole purpose of embarrassing them to no end. I look pretty bad ass in it.

Documentation of dinner to come! It turned out pretty darn good, if I may say so myself. I shall be called, from this day forward, "The Pot Roast Queen."

A True Christmas Miracle.

Somebody alert the media. Yours truly will be attempting to make the family Christmas Feast this year.

Starting at 6 a.m. tomorrow morning, I'm doing the cookin' for the Garrison clan.

This may not seem like a big deal, but with the dilapidated, run down, ratty-ass 60's kitchen I've got, it should prove to be a real interesting day.

Thank Heaven for crock pots, because it'll be roast all the way, kids.

And trust me - there will be pictures taken to document this unprecedented occasion! And of course, a blog posting!!!

Jim's Company Christmas Party.

Somehow, I managed to upload pictured of Jimbo's company Christmas party, without pictures of Jimbo! I don't know what the heck happened to them.

But here are a few highlights....

I officially LOOOVE his co-worker, Bryan. He's a scream. Very flamboyant, cheerleader & cheerleading coach, loves getting pedicures. He's just adorable and I think he's my new BFF.

I caught him eating cake here.

Now, lets talk about Jim's boss, Tate. Oh, my. Very handsome. I'm pretty sure after a few drinks I was following him around like a puppy. He's a western Kansas boy (mmmm...hmmmhmmm) and one tall, cool drink of water. And a drummer......need I say more?

And his wife, Jackie is just the biggest sweetheart! I was hoping before I met her that she'd be a real horse's ass, but NO! I love her! Dang. That makes it so much harder to oggle over the boss.

Virginia played it low key this time. She stayed off the hooch and I think she probably found it much easier to get up the next day.

Transpooper Pee.

Oh, no, no, no. I meant "Transporter 3".....

Sucked so bad I was surprised there was any air left in the theater when it was over. A crapfest of EPIC proportions. I am not exaggerating.

I really took one for the team going to see this gigantic turd last night. Now, don't get me wrong, I'm okay with action movies - I sat through the last 2 Transporter flicks with Jimbo - the first one on DVD, and the second in theaters, (and then repeatedly on cable because Jim had the clicker - it was out of my control.) and I liked them just fine. Jason Statham is some SERIOUS eye candy. So I brought this all on myself when I said, "Sure babe. Whatever you want to see is fine with me."

I think they went too far making this third installment.

The only redeeming factor is that Mr. Statham was shirtless many times.

Allow me to break down the numbers for you:

Number of times "Frank Martin" had to fight multiple hench men all by himself: 3

Number of times his shirt was either ripped off or taken off voluntarily: 4 (oh, mommy likey - might have been 5.....things get fuzzy for me when it comes off.)

Number of times his Audi took an impossible flying leap that should have killed him or at least rendered the car undriveable: COUNTLESS.

Number of cheesy "Holy CRAP that was stupid, who writes this stuff" lines the bad guy had: Like, 12

Number of times I looked at my husband and said "Really! Really??! Is this what we're doing?!": probably 10

Hours of my life I will never get back: almost 2

It was very, very, very bad, and I wanted to kick my own ass for agreeing to see it. Jim is SOOO sitting through a chick flick this week.

Idiot of the Day Award.....

Goes to this kid right here.

Today at work, I was standing in the middle of a room full of advertising sales reps, awaiting some instructions.

While I waited, I noticed some Christmas decor attached to some garland, and decided to touch THEM, with the palm of my hand. Cupping them ever so gently, palm up, I suddenly realized they were the ONLY CHRISTMAS BALLS STRUNG ANYWHERE on that garland.....and then it occurred to me that these TWO SHINY BLUE BALLS were hung there as a dirty little inside joke by someone, and I HAD BEEN STANDING THERE, FONDLING THEM IN THE MIDDLE OF THE ROOM. !!!!!!!!!!

I looked around to see if anyone had noticed, and immediately felt very dirty and stupid.

Naive much? Yes. Yes I am.

I Hate the Kansas Cold & The Snow.

Chihuahuas don't dig it, either. This one, otherwise known as "Riley The Super Chihuahua," spent most of the day under a blanket, with his nose out just far enough to keep himself in the know. Getting him to go outside and take care of business in this kind of Kansas weather takes an act of Congress.

I don't so much mind the cold, but the wicked wind and the snow and ice I can do without.

That poor Mexican river rat with his butt parked on my couch agrees.

I Found This and Had to Share!

Freshly-borned Capuchin is a skosh grumpy

One-day-old baby Capuchin monkey:

"It is ENTIRELY too bright out here! Turn out the lights! Get me a sleep mask, SOMETHING! OMG PEOPLE!"

I found this and the quote at Cute Overload, while parooooozing some random blogs. I thought it was funny as hell.

Three Blogs in One.

First order of business, the oddly tall, skinny, borderline "Charlie Brown" Garrison Family Christmas tree. Its a thing of beauty.

I wanted one of those sad, knotty pine type trees.....this is as close as we got. It's 7 feet of a whole lotta weirdness. Pre-lit, too.
So I added some ribbon and some fake berry stuff and BAM. We've got a true Holiday Oddity.
I love it. Its as unusual as I am, so it fits in nicely at our house. I just hope my Jimbo knows how much better it would look with diamond earrings under it. Am I right, ladies?!?

Second bit of blogginess....

I came to the startling realization the other day that I am as old as Disney World. Okay, well, I think its got a year on me. It Opened October 1, 1971, I was born August 10, 1972. That's close enough to make me feel REAL old.
I have also discovered that my bathroom cabinets and cosmetic bags are full of "Age Defying" products. When the hell did THAT happen?!????

Third bit of bloggy goodness....

Back on my Christmas music rant - After careful consideration, I have decided the only acceptable Christmas song is "Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas" sung ONLY by Vince Gill. That dude has the voice of an angel.
I have to come clean, though.....I have taken a liking to the old Dolly Parton tune, "Hard Candy Christmas."

Suggested Yumminess and A Little Overshare.

I have found the big 'O" of corporate coffee treats.

The Starbucks Cranberry Bliss Bar. Oh, my, goodness. This baby, I'm sure, is not good for you, but its so tasty, it's worth every thigh plumping calorie!!

You must RUN....don't walk to your nearest Starbucks and get one. Right Now. I think it might even cure depression.

While we're on the subject of Starbucks and all the wonders it holds, I would strongly suggest avoiding the temptation to try the Espresso Truffle drink. Although it tastes exactly as the name implies, and I must confess, will make you feel like a super-hero for a while, the colon blow that will ensue is not a fun time. Yummy? Yes. Intestine friendly? No.

Don't Hate.....

But I have been listening to the radio for several days while at the Obituary Desk, and I'm angry.

I am a big believer in NOT playing Christmas music till at LEAST December 1st, and I've been hearing it three times an hour for the last 3 days, and there are a few stations that play NOTHING BUT AND THEY HAVE BEEN FOR NEARLY A MONTH!!

But thats not my main gripe, really.

It's one song in particular. "Christmas Shoes"

I really hope "Mamma meets Jesus" very, very soon, because I can't take ANY version of that song much longer.

Seriously.

Oh, and one other - it's a country song - "Christmas Carol" about a little homeless girl or some shit. NO MORE, DAMN IT!!!! NO MORE!!!!!

A Spoonful of Greased Lightening and a 42 foot Smurf.

Ah, Thanksgiving. Not my favorite holiday these last few years.

I worked today at Ye' Old Death Dealer's post. It was a quiet day, and I didn't mind that at all. It was quite peaceful. My sweet 16 year old daughter stopped by the office to see me for a minute, and that was pretty awesome. It made my day.

Prior to going to work, though, I got my fill of exactly what I needed to make it feel like Thanksgiving: super cheesy musical numbers straight off of Broadway (during the Macy's Parade in New York) in the form of Mary Poppins and Grease. At the risk of being a traitor to my bad girl rocker persona, I dig that crap. Big time. Especially in my jammies with a big mug o' joe.

This year they had a 42 foot tall Smurf balloon, celebrating 50 years or something like that?! Really?! Smurfs been around that long? Who knew.

Speaking of being around that long, can anyone tell me what the HELL happened to Stephen Adler of Guns N Roses??? I've been watching him on Celebrity Rehab with Dr. Drew, and I must have missed a few episodes, because I can't figure out what his deal is, other than the obvious.

**UPDATE**
After visiting Wikipedia, I have discovered that Mr. Adler suffered a stroke a while back after doing a "particularly potent speedball." God bless the internet. You learn all kinds of stuff.

The Douchebag that Ruined Dinner.

Okay, so back to the story about the idiot at dinner the other night. Now, don't get me wrong here, we weren't exactly dining at a 5-star jacket and tie establishment - it was Carlos O'Kellys, but damn. We had a couple of young whipper-snappers that obviously thought the world owed them something, and, in their haste to make everyone around them aware of their presence, forgot the number one rule of dining out: never f*** with the dude that handles your food.

I am positive this very early twenty-something goober thought he and his girlfriend were the reincarnations of Sid and Nancy, with the noticeable difference being that she looked like a girl who's mother would be MORTIFIED if she knew her daughter was out with this dude. They both were sitting on the same side of their booth, facing me. He was loud and full of self loathing, she seemed perfectly fine with the fact that her boyfriend was an ass.

His chips and salsa weren't fresh enough. His soda was flat. Blah, blah, blah. In between bitching, though, he managed to find time to make out with and put his hands all over his girlfriend, talk to the waiter like he was stupid, and demand that he get a bag of chips and a container of salsa to go with his leftovers he was taking with him, considering how "nasty the first round was."

Jimbo and I waited till Captain Ass-Clown and his gal pal got their coats and headed for the door, then we called their poor waiter over. (who, by the way, was very professional throughout the whole ordeal.)

I gave him a ten dollar bill and told him anyone who had to serve that tool with such grace deserved it. Besides - Mr. Awesome didn't tip him after all that passive-aggressive verbal abuse.

I'm astounded on a daily basis at how badly people will treat other people just because they can.

Too Busy for Wedded Bliss.

Saturday, November 22nd was 5 years of marriage for Jimbo and I, but there was no time for celebration, as we spent Friday & Saturday with FOUR LARGE PASSENGER BUSES of Special Olympics athletes, coaches, parents and group home staff. We pretty much took over the motel we stayed at in Shawnee, KS. It was the usual organized chaos.

Every year, it seems there are always too many factors involved when it comes to trying to have a nice anniversary. But I suppose this year is fitting......Special Olympics is how we met in the first place.

My little team took 3rd (the bronze) - someone made a mistake with the brackets. (We should have taken 2nd). I think they all had a good time, though. I know I did.

Jim's team took the gold, but that was a given. Most of his players were part of the Kansas Vollyeball Team that went to Nationals a few years ago. They're very talented.

My guys......well, we've got heart. Sometimes thats all ya' need.

So back to the anniversary. How did we spend it? Well, mostly with 140-some smelly team uniforms at the Laundromat. But we did manage to make it to dinner at the tale end of the evening - right back at the scene of our first date, same booth even. Of course, nothing ever ends fairy tale-ish for us...... I'll blog about the douchebag that ruined dinner later.

Okay, 6 Random Things....

But I can't tag anyone, because they've all been tagged already.

So here's my 6 Random Things anyway!

1. When I was 8 or 9 years old, I had lived in Tulsa, Ok., and after many years of having loooooong red hair that reached my butt, I talked my mother into a haircut. She kept the ponytail they cut off of me stored away in a box till the late 90's. Creepy.

2. I was once asked to leave the Borders out East for "stalking" Kip Winger, as I was "making the employees uncomfortable." He was doing a tour in the mid 90's promoting an acoustic CD he did to benefit a charity he started in his late wife's name. I had my toddler daughter on my hip, but was desperate to talk to him, just for a minute. I wasn't banned entirely, but asked not to come back for awhile. I never did get to talk to him.

3. I'm scared to death of Storm Troopers. Even to this day. They're clicky and they freak me the hell out.

4. When I was 6 or 7, I fell under a moving merry-go-round and a very large screw cut my back open from left to right. (I was wearing a little 2 piece homemade number, so my back was exposed.) It took a guzzillion stitches and I still have a little bit of a scar, but for years it was hideous and embarrassing. My mother almost passed out twice in the emergency room, and I swatted at the doctor who promptly spanked me on the butt and told me to stop. (he was angry that his golf game was disrupted and I was angry that it hurt.) The "sitz baths" I had to have for months after were horrible and excruciatingly painful.

5. I got kicked off the cheerleading squad at the end of my 9th grade year of junior high because I was failing my science class. I hated the teacher.

6. My husband was the Army tank driver that did the bustin' in (as seen on CNN) at the Waco standoff. I've tried to find out who played the part of him in the made for TV movie, but I still haven't figured it out.

Buyer Beware...

Or learn your basic junior high math and fluid ounces, Robyn.

My very very VERY all-time ABSOLUTE favorite perfume is Venezia, by Laura Biagiotti. Its got a smokey, cherry, woody, almost sweet cigar type of scent. It was discontinued a few years ago, and you just can't get it anywhere. With the exception of Ebay, of course.

Since its so hard to come by these days, as you can imagine, the price of it is rather steep now. Like into the $200's kind of steep. (I used to buy it at Drug Emporium out west for $20.)

So when I found some online, I was pretty stoked.

I'm a little slow on the uptake sometimes.

All I could find within my idea of a reasonable price ($25 before shipping) was this .17 oz bottle.

ITS THE SIZE OF A FRICKIN' HALF DOLLAR. SERIOUSLY. !!!!!!!!

If it was any smaller, it would be non-existent.

I think I need to find a new favorite and go back to school to learn my fluid ounces. In my own defense, I was a desperate woman.

I guess I'll be saving this tiny little piece of Heaven for super special occasions. Which may be few and far between when my husband finds out that I blew almost $30 on it.

'Tis The Season....

For my obsession with all things trendy for fall and winter. My current Needful Thing is this bag. I have a serious purse problem, and I'll be the first to admit it.

It's at Accessory City and it will be mine.
Oh, yes, it will be mine.

I would just like to take a minute to inform you that I am currently addicted to some STUPID ASS CHIPS IN THE VENDO AT WORK!!

Poore Brothers Brand "BBQ RANCH" F#%*'n KETTLE COOKED POTATO CHIPS.

I may need an intervention. This is getting out of control. I think they put an addictive chemical in them, and it does not help at all that I am sitting here at work, all alone, left to my own evils......LIKE CHIPS!

Halloween 2008 At Work...

A few highlights! You only get once a year to make a complete fool of yourself and get away with it!!

Co-worker Pat was rather creepy!

And yes, I reprised my role as Rosie the Riveter - those mom jeans are awful high-waisted, but damn, they're comfy! And those Dickies shirts are rather slimming! Patty was Cat Woman - and she was quite pleased that the costume still fit her! She looked purrrrfect.

Here's Pat and Tim - I told them to stay the hell away from the obituary desk today!

Hope came as Jimmy Hendrix! Almost believable - except for the boobs and the white hands!

OOOOOH...Spooky.

On Monday afternoon, I settled in with some wine and caught "Shadow of the Vampire" on our new 42" flatscreen TV that Jim decided it was time for.

I cannot believe I missed this in 2000 when it came out.

Its got John Malcovich, Eddie Izzard (one of my FAVORITES!) and Willem Defoe as Max Shreck. Kinda.

It's based on the filming of the 1920's "Nosferatus" - and it was sufficiently creepy, just in time for Halloween! Perfectly weird and eeeeerie!

If you haven't seen it, you must!! If I hadn't known that Willem Defoe was playing that part, I would not have believed it!

The Perfect Gift.

The gracious and talented Miss Oppenheimer took some pictures for me a while back. I'd asked her to get some shots of the little service guy in front of the convenience store on 13th Street, in the Indian Hills area.

There's a story.....

This is a Gino Selerno carving, one of a few thats left standing around the ITC, and he has great meaning to my husband and I.

He was created in my late father-in-law's image. Jimbo and his dad used to own an AMOCO station there. His hat reads "Indian Hills AMOCO" and his nametag says "Ed" - that was Jim's dad.

I recently visited the store and asked them to sell the statues to me, but to no avail. They said he was "part of the community" and didn't think it was a good idea.
So thats when I got Miss. O. involved. She took many for me, and they're all FABULOUS.

I had the first two pictures here enlarged and printed for Jim and his twin brother's birthday. I noticed a few weeks after I had asked the new owners if I could buy the statues that someone had sawed his hands off. WHO DOES THAT?!?

Jim was blown away, and fought back a few tears. Even his brother Tim, who is developmentally disabled, was shocked and tense with emotion.......so Miss Oppenheimer, mission accomplished!! Thanks again! You are fantastic!

F***in' Wildlife!

Jim decided not to hit the casino for his birthday, so instead, we went out to 183rd St. & Maple to the Tanginyka Wildlife Park.

It was amazing how close you could get to some of the animals. A lot of stuff was closed off because they're still working on it, but we did get very close to some of the wildlife....a very sweet camel, the giraffes, and the lemurs.
And, Austrailian Parrots. Oh, yeah, they were pretty.........
But things turned ugly for me very quickly - as more than 5 at one point, decided the product in my hair was WAY tastier than the apple cider/apple sauce they gave us to feed them.
If Heather was there, she would have flipped the F*** Out! They were coming from EVERYWHERE and headed straight for my head.I shit you not, it was frightening, and what did Jimbo do?! Laughed histerically while I got my scalp pecked and my hair pulled. By the time we got out of that bird area, there was NO product left in my hair. I'm not generally scared by birds, but this was a first for me. I had them climbing into the hood of my jacket, even.

At any rate, it was a nice day, and tomorrow evening, Jimbo and his twin brother will get their SUPER FANTASTIC BIRTHDAY PRESENTS from me, courtesy of
our own Jamie O.

Pics of the pizza, cake and gifts to come.......

A New Read . . .

For this fine Spooooky Season.

A co-worker loaned me this one, and so far, its pretty darn good! I do love a creepy story, and this one is right up my alley! Just in time for Halloween!

Its a bit of a "life of the dead among us living" kind of book. And I'm diggin' it.

I Still Love This Guy....

Come on ladies, you do too....admit it. I've loved him since "Heathers", but "True Romance" is the bestest ever.

I just watched a bit of "Inside the Actor's Studio" on BRAVO, featuring Christian Slater. I love that guy, thanks to Jennifer Noone.

Jennifer Noone, God Bless that girl, introduced me to one of my favorite cult classics, "True Romance".......and from then on, I was hooked.

Well, I learned something just now, about our guy Christian, that makes me love him even more.

His performance in "Interview With a Vampire" came by default, as the original actor to play the role of the reporter, River Phoenix, overdosed outside the Viper Room shortly before filming started.

Here's the kicker: Christian Slater agreed to take on the role under one condition - every cent he was to be paid for the role went to all of the charities that River Phoenix was involved in. He didn't make a dime - it ALL went to River's charities, mostly aimed at children.

I love that guy.......and damn he's aging well!

Christy's Birthday

Saturday, some friends from my hometown of Great Bend, Kansas came in to celebrate a big event! One of them, Christy, turns 40 on Monday! This is a big reality slap not only for her, but all of us. So we figured we'd better get out our freak flags and fly 'em!

We had some dinner, and it was the first time I've had sushi. Not a fan.

And then we proceeded to get rather intoxicated.

This is Jennifer, my very best friend since kindergarten, she's also Christy's sister.

Christy got crazy!

They both got a little out of control, but Christy was determined to fight 40.

This photo is VERY incriminating. Jenn is a high school guidance counselor, and has always been Susie Straightlace. I have a feeling she hasn't been out in a while.