Daddy Issues and the Veterans Administration

Some of this post might be the same old Robyn drama for a few readers. And I apologize.
With that said, let me tell ya' who I am some days.

I'm the daughter of a man that skipped out on a wife and 3 children nearly 30 years ago, and disappeared into thin air. I was 8 the last time I saw him.

Back in July, the LA County Coroner's Office out in California found him, dead in a ratty motel room. He'd been there for 2 weeks before they found him......you can pretty much guess either his "rent" had come due, or well, you know.....July in California? Couldn't have been good, if you know what I mean.

This was him back in the 70's.

Back in the day, he was a bit of a celebrity. Out in western Kansas (and at one time Oklahoma) he was a very well known TV and radio personality. We couldn't go anywhere without folks wanting a piece of his time.
Its really sad. He could have really been somebody.


Unfortunately, as we would soon discover, he was also a very sick man. Manic depression and bipolar disorder would eventually take over his life, making it impossible for him to tell the truth of any kind, hold a job, and ultimately, maintain a normal family life. I'm assuming the latter is why he left. He was a haunted man, knowing full well he'd never be able to care for his family, and probably felt he would be a burden. Come to find out (after some digging around), over the years, he'd been in and out of VA hospitals (he served in the Army, mostly in Korea), unable to live a normal life. He told people he'd never married, never had any children, had no family to speak of. And he spoke with a British accent. (?!?!)

The night my brother called me to tell me that the coroner's office had tracked him down, and that our father was dead, initially, I was mad as hell. In the back of my mind, I'd always hoped he'd show up on my doorstep, probably needing something, but if he had, I might get the chance to ask where he'd been, why he left.....there were so many unanswered questions. Now that will never happen. I'll never hear it from the horse's mouth. Sometimes I feel like something I lost a long time ago is finally found, but I still can't have it, and I never will.

So now that my brother and I have coughed up enough cash to get him cremated, (after a LOT of grief from our mother, who says "why should you even care what happens to him, he never cared about you kids") we are not getting ANY help from the VA, while we try to find out his rank at the time of his discharge from the military. He was very proud of his military background, and we want to have it listed on his headstone. We don't need his entire military record, so we really don't want to have to fill out all the paperwork, mail it off, wait 6 months........uuugh. F@*#!!!

I'm so disappointed in our government. You'd think, in this day and age, a VA employee could got to their computer, punch in a social security number and boom! There's your info......are they still keeping everything in FILE CABINETS for Heaven's sake?!?! My husband is an Army Vet, and we get so frustrated whenever he needs something from them - it takes nearly a year to get it!

As I look below at my Freshman Dance photo, it makes me so sad to think about all the things he missed over the years. Birthdays, first cars, proms, graduations, grandchildren.....so many things.